My Kingdom For a Norse by Kane Seamus

Author:Kane, Seamus [Kane, Seamus]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2016-06-29T16:00:00+00:00

The Stereotype Clinic

“Before I came, I read your Viking stereotype advisory guide.”

“Yes, that’s always advisable. Was it useful?”

“Sort of, but do I really have to attach horns to my helmet.”

“Fraid so, it helps frighten some of our more reluctant clients, particularly the Saxons.”

“What if I just grow more facial hair instead?”

“Having a long beard and moustache is de-rigeur anyway if you want to acquire a plundering visa.”

“Where do I buy horns?”

“I would recommend Olaf the Hornswuggler on Wooden House Street.”

“What do you mean? Every street in this village is called Wooden House Street.”

“His place is beside the Alderman’s shack.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Will there be anything else?”

“The Beserker thing. I can’t do it. I tried for days but can’t find any of that hallucinogenic mushroom stuff.”

“You mean Amanita muscaria?”

“I think so.”

“You need to bring a pig with you to sniff it out. Do you have one?”

“No, where may I get one?”

“I would recommend Olaf the Swineswuggler on Wooden House Street.”

“Okay, sounds like a plan. I’ll go down to see him now.”

“And don’t forget, after you’ve bought your pig, you’ll need to have its ears tagged.”

“Don’t tell me, I need to go to the Ear-tagging-swuggler on Wooden House Street.”

“Two up from the Alderman’s shack.”

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